…And I’m Gonna Cross That Line

Once in a while, I see a movie or hear a song or read a book, that I want to share. And while it’s sometimes awkward to try to explain what’s great about some things, it can be worth it if you do it right.

Are We Not Horses? is an album by Canadian indie/folk band Rock Plaza Central, and it’s unlike anything I’ve ever listened to before. A concept album in the truest sense, it tells the story of a group of robotic horses who are programmed to believe that they’re real horses. Take a second to digest that, and I’ll move on.

It starts with the catchiest song on the album; the moderately-paced, 3 minute folk/pop tune I Am An Excellent Steel Horse. The lead singer/guitarist/songwriter Chris Eaton has the perfect voice for an album about horses, and I can’t explain why. His voice is a blend of Jeff Mangum [Neutral Milk Hotel] and Jack White, [The White Stripes] without sounding too much like either one.

In the beginning of the album, the horses are just walking around being horses. They’re determined and strong-willed, and want nothing more than to be the best horses they can be (“we have our lives together / and we want nothing more / I wanna be a shining example”). But halfway through the album, they struggle to accept the truth, (Eaton screams “They say that we’re not horses…well, what are we THENNNN?!”) that they are, in fact, made of steel and programmed to think they are living and breathing. But once they accept it, they find that being a robot isn’t anything to be disappointed about (“We’ve Got A Lot To Be Glad For”).

As hard as the concept might be to follow for some, the music is interesting enough to hold your interest. From the trudging folk of I Am An Excellent Steel Horse to the Latin can-can rock of Anthem For The Already Defeated, it’s a grab bag of diverse sounds and styles, but there’s a thread holding everything together; it all sounds like one piece.

Check it out, if you’ve got the time. I’d recommend it if you like Neutral Milk Hotel, Modest Mouse or The Shins. You can listen to the songs for free
here, download it here, or buy the cd here.

Who Am I?: An Alliterative Adventure

Waist-deep in the water wearing waders and Levi’s rolled up to the knees, Walter Winters heaves a worrisome sigh as he wipes the wetness from his wrinkled forehead, and goes back to work, thrusting his shovel into the well-formed silt.

How could he have gotten himself here? Heaving the heavy hilt of his gardening tool into the hollow mud under the Henry Hudson River, he holds his handsome face away from the hot sun that, only an hour before, had been hidden behind the hilltops.

On observing the orange orb, Walter oscillates the old shovel over his hear, ousting it from his hands over onto the open bank. Out of an odorous duffel bag, he lifts the obese body of Orville Oakley, an old oil tycoon with a letter opener in his occipital lobe.

As he arches his back, asserting an aggravated groan, he apprehensively asks himself, “Am I really an assassin? Is alcoholic arrogance an appropriate reason to actively and aggressively authorize an action such as this?” And with this awareness, he adamantly agrees, and allows the body to drop into its apt, aquatic grave.

Morning makes itself more noticeable, melting its way across the mountains. Meanwhile, Walter maintains a measure of motivation, moving the mud over the motionless man, mindlessly and mechanically. “Me, a murderer? Maybe…” he muses.

In the end, it’s important to identify what may seem implicit; injustice breeds involuntary insanity, in both the idiotic and the intelligent. Though it isn’t in us all to inter the ignorant, I think it is inevitable. But then again, Who Am I?

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buddha!

I finally received my FM3 Buddha Machine! But what the hell is it??

The Buddha Machine is a small plastic box, about the size of a pack of cigarettes. In the middle is a large, circular speaker, and on top there’s a volume control, a headphone jack and a pitch wheel.

When you click the volume control on, a low ambient drone starts coming out of the speaker — and then loops infinitely. And, while it sounds kind of annoying, it’s really quite peaceful. It has 9 different loops to choose from, which can be selected by clicking the button on the left side of the box.

Once a loop is playing, you can use the pitch wheel to speed it up or slow it down, according to your mood. And that’s it! You turn it on, set it to a loop that you like, and then sit back and absorb the peaceful sounds. Or you can get creative, and record the loops to your computer, and lay them over each other to create something new (which, apparently, some people have already done).

Oh, and according to the diagram on their website, there’s a miniature Buddha figurine inside…

Pretty sweet. $23, it comes in like 10 different colors (I got burgundy) and you can buy it here.